Bribes

I hand the loveable nitwit another wad of cash in return for his ego soothing but clearly false flattery.
“Please Mr Art, tell me, how you achieve such perfection” says the small child

Another 5 pounds well spent.

It starts with a blank canvas.
A work surface on to which my creative juices can spill, much like when you accidently put the straw all the way through the capri-sun packet.

And then comes the idea, represented here as a thought bubble. This originates spontaneously. Inspiration can come from anywhere. Sometimes the inspiration can be the idea itself, this is known as the ‘idea of an idea’ paradox and puts the artist into a beautiful but inescapable artistic hole. It is thought that Van Gogh cut off his own ear just to escape the loop.

I achieved the loop in this particular piece I call “Woman in a Parka coat” or “Fur Hood”. You can choose.

I turn to face the boy again, expecting awe and wonderment
“Well there it is my beggar companion. Perfection. Here is some more cash for your trouble”

But alas he has gone.
And so has my wallet…

Comparisons

Sometimes I am fearful of my own creativity.
This picture of a bucket and spade at the beach is a good example and it’s not just the world class artistry and the amazing attention to detail that make me think it.

It’s hard to compare myself to painters of the modern age such as Geoffery Chaucer, Bruce Springsteen and Barack Obama when my art is essentially from a different planet to theirs. The heading “Uncategorized” on WordPress was originally created for my artwork, before gaining wider blogging usage.

I call this piece “Angst in A minor”. It’s second title is Quit Beaching as can be seen scrawled across the page… It tells the tale of a lonely bucket that just wants to move to Hawaii. She hears there are tropical fish, beautiful sunsets and sandy beaches.

Instead she is stuck on a dirty shale beach in Blackpool, crossing off the days until the annual two weeks of summer rear their cloudy 15°C heads.

P.S – I have added some more ‘art’ to my portfolio tab on the main page. Take a look!

Bernard’s Choice

Bernard has been asked to stay.
His final challenge of obedience school, Bernard must make a dangerous choice.
Does Bernard want the unconditional compassion of his loving family
or the plate of cookies he is being tempted with.

The final test.
The family tense.

Bernard’s dog mind slowly clunks.

Bernard inches forward.
Nostrils flare.
Saliva pools.
Cookies beckon.

I love St. Bernards. I mean look at their stupid lovable faces.

Struggles

I’ve always struggled as a world renowned artist and critic to get people to see my work. People avoid my exhibits because they are worried about it being too crowded and this is why there is such poor attendance.

Here is one of my pieces for your eyes to digest. I think the meaning is obvious. Some people suggest to me that I should stop doing Art altogether. Maybe this is because I am too good. If I produce enough it will replace the art in all the galleries, this would be a nightmare for storage as where would you put all the old stuff? Maybe you could put my art on top of other art as shown below.

Or I could just paint over the old ones.

I’ve sent an email to Picasso to ask for permission.

Thinks

Since the dawnings of time there has been art. Those people didn’t have cameras so painting was like their instagram, it just took longer. See below…

Now cameras are here art is weird to make up for it. Something has been lost.