I’m a bad person.
When I see someone carrying recently made food I always visualise them dropping it. It’s just part of the human condition that other peoples failures are funny and there is nothing more spectacular than the cake drop.
The room fills with the aroma of freshly risen sponge.
The icing drips down the side.
And then it happens.
the shoe laces tangle.
The knees buckle.
And it goes flying through the air like a sweet vanilla projectile
The picture shows a typical incident. Edvard Munch’s “The Scream” can be seen. It is thought that the inspiration for the painting came from a similar incident that Munch experienced at his 5th birthday party.
People love schadenfreude, it goes all the way back to the earliest forms of comedy. English comedy is filled with slapstick.
Vertigo set in as a hand clamped around him and hastily lifted him from the floor. The fingerprints were wiped from his face by a shirt sleeve and he heard a sigh of relief, his screen was still intact.
Fingers smooshed his face once more as his user typed out a text.
He had been worried as of late, he had heard the rumours.
It was always discussed at this time of year, like clockwork, it panicked him immensely.
He hoped they were just rumours.
A new generation was coming.
He was being replaced.
His circuits buzzed as he daydreamed his demise in to the obsolete.
He thought he was special, irreplaceable, unique.
But the new phone was 0.6 inches bigger.
A technological revolution.
He placed himself on silent and hid behind the sofa cushions.
That’ll show ’em.
He snaps his claws together with bitter anguish, wishing for a more dexterous tool. A crustaceous Edward Scissorhands, his handshakes are never appreciated.
He was always bumping in to people in the street because he insisted on walking sideways and after all this stress, if things went badly, he might end up in one of those restaurant tanks like his cousin Barry.
It was a tough life.
At least there was always a castle to visit if he got bored…
Much like this elephant.
I just like looking at vegetables.
I mean how do you know your getting the best tomatoes for your money if you don’t peruse every tomato in the shop. There may be one tomato hiding at the bottom that’s the best tomato anyone has ever tasted.
Angry shoppers look at me like i’m an irritation, hindering their shopping experience. I just have a lot of time on my hands.
I get home and lay out my beautiful, plump, fresh vegetables.
They get home and weep over their unripe peaches.